Born To Die
by atinsybitlost
Summary: [AU] Mikasa is a street rat who is caught stealing from an Imperial, and is immediately sentenced to join the 104th trainee corps as her punishment despite her vow to never become a military dog. Here she meets people who slowly wash away her front, including one boy who completely cracks it in half, and shows her trusting someone isn't always so bad. [ErenMika]
1. Prologue

**Title: Born To Die**

**Anime: SNK**

**Rating: T**

**Pairing: Eren/Mikasa**

**Summary: [AU] Mikasa is a street rat who is caught stealing from an Imperial, and is immediately sentenced to join the 104th trainee corps as her punishment despite her vow to never become a military dog. Here she meets people who slowly wash away her front, including one boy who completely cracks it in half, and shows her trusting someone isn't always so bad.**

**[Shingeki no Kyojin © Hajime Isayama]**

* * *

. . .

_One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics_

_Is that you end up being governed_

_By your inferiors _

_-Plato_

. . .

The cold has no mercy for the weak; it sucks every inch of your warmth away from your body that in retaliation shuts down in defeat, the biting wind slicing at your cheeks without remorse, the numbness that wards off any coherent thinking as you stumble through the cobble stone streets, bare foot and hoping that someone, anyone might take pity on you.

_Oh_… wait that's me.

The pounding in my head had long since ceased, leaving nothing but a short buzz as my body did it's best to keep my lunch –which had consisted of a measly bit of stolen bread I'd snatched from a boy much younger than myself down. Just like the cold, the hungry had no mercy for those weaker than themselves. I strive to survive in these hard times, the food shortage ever since wall Maria had crumbled to nothing but dust took a toll on everyone; I couldn't necessarily be selfish and say those who scout the streets are the only few struggling. We all are, but that's the harsh reality; the weaker dissipate and the strong thrive.

I learnt that many years ago, when I lost everything that was important to me without a say in the matter. I thrived, and I ran only to end up here; on the streets behind wall Rose pick pocketing and stealing small amounts of food to slip by. But this winter, one of the harshest I've had to endure over the years was cutting me down inch by inch. I could feel my body succumbing to the inevitable truth.

_ I was born to die. _

But the funny thing about the truth is it sometimes contradicts itself. Eats away at its own flesh and becomes a beautiful lie, and to my ultimate surprise the universe decided to work with me instead of against me. I watched with dazed eyes as people began to gather in the street, the snow gently drifting from the sky to land upon them, but they did not care. They could easily slip back into their homes after the commotion was over and sit in front of a fire, warm themselves to their content.

Others curiously stared out a window unwilling to leave the warmth of their homes; children stepped up onto boxes to look over top the adult's heads, cheering and pumping their fists as I could hear the clopping of horse's hooves against the streets. With my own curiosity peeked, I slowly made my way through the crowd, ignoring the steely glares I received from those not too fond of street rats such as myself, the small shoves and biting remarks doing nothing to phase me. I peered through the crowd, my mouth opening slightly in awe as I watched none other than the Recon Corps make their way through the city streets.

But there was no triumphant smiles playing across their faces, there was no happy gleam in their eyes that stared to the ground blankly; instead the scene was solemn. Although people cheered them on they remained still and seemingly robotic. I could tell, from that moment through their broken gazes, and trembling lips that anything beyond those walls was not good.

I knew, that I did not want to be a part of the Recon Corps, the Military Police or any type of titan killing adrenaline junkie group out there. I concluded, I'd much rather be on the streets than serve my heart and life up for something that I don't believe in, especially when it left you so scarred… so broken.

But as one man passed by, his back ramrod straight as he stood tall and proud atop his steed his own solemn gaze moved to mine. His hair was cropped short, shimmering blond and his eyes although distant and icy blue did not serve to unnerve me. Instead, I smile gently and he returned the smile only to swing his leg over and jump off the magnificent horse that did not move from its spot as he walked my way.

My instinct was to always run, when I was ever noticed and someone began to approach me fleeing was my only option. But as he walked my way, I stood there his warm smile reminding me that nothing bad could come of this; and my suspicions where correct as he lent down, palming three gold coins that if used properly could feed me for a week in my hand. He curtly nodded his head to me, before standing up once more from his kneeling position and returning to his horse.

As one man passed by, I realized that maybe being broken is the only way you can learn to heal your scars.


	2. Her Choice

. . .

_Sometimes you hit a point_

_Where you either change_

_Or self-destruct_

_-Sam Stevens _

. . .

_ A small, cruel laugh made its way past my lips as my thin lipped scowl turned into an upturned smirk. I juggled the apple between my two hands, the red shiny fruit looking so alluring as all I wanted to do was sink my teeth into it, I hadn't eaten all day and needless to say I was starving. But it's not like he'd care, all he wanted from me was a job well done and his damn apple back. _

_ I tossed him the apple, and he caught it with ease slipping it into his satchel as he leaned against the wall, his blond hair brushing the arch of his forehead, and that small gleam in his eye that always seemed to be analyzing me; trying to decipher my actions. _

_ I smiled gently, shaking my head so my black hair framed my face "give one up-" I stated with the most smug smile I could muster. Tanner pursed his lips, cocking his head to the side. _

_ "I have no idea what you're talking about." He retorted, not meeting my eye as he tried not to smile. _

_ "Cut the crap Tanner, your fingernails are yellowing and your breathe is horrific I know you're smoking again. Hand one over before I take one for myself." I could see the gleam in his eyes as he reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a pack. I felt a giddy sort of joy arise inside of me as I plucked the one he took out from his fingers slipping it between my index and middle finger as I brought it up to my lips. _

_ There were two things that where a luxury for street kids our age, smokes and disease free sex. I leaned forward as he lit a match, bringing it up to the end of the smoke and lighting it. I felt the familiar burn etch its way down my throat, my eyes watering as I took a long puff only to exhale it right back in Tanner's face. He smile, punching me in the shoulder gently "Go on, they aren't going to hang around forever now are they?" I snorted, flicking the end of the cigarette as the cherry fell to the ground. _

I did not lift my gaze; I would _not _give these people the satisfaction of seeing my upmost frustration. I usually was able to give off a stony visage when stuck in a situation such as this but to hear the yells of outrage of villagers who have been just w_aiting _to see a street rat like me locked up, or be-headed was causing the sheer fury I'd been keeping in all these years to almost boil over. So, I kept my head bowed as I awaited my sentence.

_Steal an item from Imperial General Pixi's, not too hard. This item as Tanner had said would go for more than a lot on the black market, and that's something both Tanner and I needed right now. More than a lot, that is. I was a master at pick pocketing, and with this throng of people cheering the titan slayers on it'd be a piece of cake. _

_ But I was in the wrong place at the wrong time; and so was that baker who so happened to see my hand slip into General Pixi's cart, that rolled beside him and his horse, and the bald old man turned on me instantly. In a flash I had Military Police after me, and of course I damn well resisted. What else was I supposed to do? _

"Mikasa Ackerman, you have been convicted and found guilty of the following offenses; Larceny of a higher command, and resisting arrest as well harassment of three Military Police officials." I had no clue what had gone wrong, I never got caught. Tanner must be waiting back at the alley for me, and tonight when he goes for the trade…

_No! Don't think about that. _I chastised myself_, you come before anyone else even Tanner! _

"You are sentenced to join the 104th trainee corps as of today, or you may take four years serving time in jail."

_They're giving me a choice? _I thought, slightly taken aback. I could hear the outraged shrieks from the people in the court house; oh how horrible it must be for them; a lowly street girl being allowed access to training to become part of the military.

_She doesn't belong in the trainee corps! She belongs behind bars! _

_ She's no hero, she's a rat! That's all! _

_ Sentence her to death! _

All wonderful things to hear while you're on trial, knowing so many people who don't even understand the life of a street rat. Who don't even know my g_od damn name _want me behind bars, thinking I am better off dead?

"_Hey, Mikasa have you ever thought about joining the military? I mean fighting Titans sounds really cool." _

_ "No, Tanner. I haven't." Although that was a filthy lie and Tanner could see right through it. But the one thing I love about him was he never pushed a subject. Any street rat would think about joining the military, if you can give up your heart and your life you get free shelter and food plus possibly become a kick ass titan slayer. _

_ But I don't give up without a fight, and I'd be damned if I ever became a dog of the military "I wouldn't even consider it." I spat, taking Tanner by surprise. He just sniggered, shaking his head before standing up to leave. _

_ "Good 'ole Mikasa, always one to be stubborn." _

"Speak now Mikasa Ackerman." The judge's voice boomed, Tanner's voice still ringing in my ears as I clenched my fists by my side; my anger rising up and subliminally I'd already chosen what I'd end up doing. No, I was not one to go down without a fight and I guess a while back I realized I was fighting a hopeless battle living on the streets. Maybe, possibly if I could make it into the Recon Corps I can prove my worth to _someone. _

Someone that_ isn't_ Tanner, someone that _isn't _these villagers who want to see my head on a stick.

"I choose to join the 104th trainee corps."


	3. Cracked & Crumbling

**A/N: As aforementioned this particular fanfiction is completely AU, in which the age requirement to join the trainee corps is fifteen rather than twelve and this story will expand itself through the five years of training required from the trainee's. So, needless to say Eren's titan form, along with all the information that comes along with that particular plot it is not revealed in this story. His past is all the same though, despite Mikasa not being a part of it. Just thought I'd clear that up. **

**Anyway, thanks for all the wonderful reviews so far guys it means a lot!**

* * *

. . .

_Grief doesn't change us_

_It reveals us_

_-John Green_

. . .

Short days and long night's is what I'm used to. Having to find a place to sleep, getting not even a couple hours of rest while always being on edge; scared at any moment something could go wrong. Someone might try to steal from me, might try to attack me. It wasn't uncommon; then again I was never defenseless. Tanner taught me all I needed to know and I was able to send a grown man sprawling on his ass if I wanted to.

What I wasn't used to was long, painfully boring days. Standing under the scorching sun with this stupid leather jacket sticking to my skin; my hair tickling my neck as I struggled to keep my posture. My gaze, however was glazed as I stared off into nothingness, listening to our commander yell and shout profanities at the other trainee's. I waited for him to get in my face, to challenge me like he was challenging all the others.

But that's when I noticed how he was skipping people, certain people; not at all random either because these people seemed to stand like myself, with the same gleam in their eyes that revealed how guarded they were. I almost snorted at the sheer hypocrisy of our commander; he didn't want to embarrass himself in front of the trainee's so he refrained from attempting to crack those who are already clearly cracked, and still crumbling.

The day stretched on, many people returned to the mines with solemn looks on their faces. Obviously intimidated by the commander as they high tailed it out of there; dragging their crushed egos along. When dinner came around, and we were all directed to the mess hall I hesitated. I wasn't one for social interaction, understandable seeming I've lived on the streets more than half of my life the only people I had interaction with where dealers, and Tanner.

When you live on the streets, you have to learn not to get attached, and to my ultimate dismay I realized Tanner and I became so attached to each other we were practically inseparable. That's when my thoughts took a sour turn, as I began remembering things I'd much rather keep at bay. There was a slim chance I'd be running into Tanner for quite some time, five years of training and then I'll be able to choose which military grouping I would want to join. I could be a part of the Recon Corps, prove my worth for something instead of living the rest of my life committing petty theft, and listening to Tanner's every god damn command; to do that I would have to learn how to work with people so I forced myself to take step after step towards the mess hall.

My heart was hammering against my rib cage, it was a wonder it hadn't already burst out of my chest. I could hear the noise erupting from the building, the yelling and laughing of other people. The nervousness I was experiencing was a foreign feeling; funny how in the face of death I can remain completely calm but when it came to simple social interaction? I was a complete and utter mess. When I finally entered the building, I moved my way along the side keeping my head down and mouth shut as I found an empty spot to sit with the food that was given to me upon arrival.

I was ecstatic that the food was just handed over to me, and when I sat down I relished in the fact I would now be well fed for some time to come. I gently picked up a roll, picking a piece off as I began to nibble on it; casting my cold gaze around the mess hall. Near me, not even two rows over was a group of people surrounding two boys, the people where chattering excitedly and asking questions; the one boy who they were obviously asking with dark brown hair, and impossibly wide teal eyes answered these questions, seemingly annoyed.

I absently listened to the conversation taking place, taking note that these two boys where from the district of Shiganshina, both had witnessed the Colossal and Armored titan. But when one question took the boy off guard, and he choked on his food people began to back off. This is when I became more or less interested in the conversation taking place as I turned my head to actually look over at him. I could see it, the look in his eyes that I saw more than enough. The look that Tanner had proven was also evident in my own dark brown orbs, the look of a broken yet determined individual. He was the boy that stood beside me when the commander was speaking with us; the commander had skipped him too.

My thoughts trailed off slightly at this, and before I had time to register what was happening I heard yelling and swearing as my head snapped forward to see the boy from before standing, confronting another boy who was taunting him, he was calling himself an honest man and claiming that the other was crazy. I refrained from bursting into outrageous laughter at this, because did he not realize that anyone who would join the trainee's corps is unstable enough to be considered c_razy?_

But as I continued to observe, it looked like they were about to get into a scuffle and I wasn't about to interrupt something as interesting as that. So I leaned on my elbows, taking bites of my roll as I watched the argument intently. Ironically enough both boys where saved by the bell when dinner was signaled to an end. My interest in the matter completely dropped, but before I could get up and leave the mess hall like everyone else I caught _his _eyes with my own.

It only lasted a moment, but that moment was long enough to cause me to realize he knew I'd been paying attention the whole time. Only now did he take precious time from all his popularity to look over at me, and with such a gaze; one of interest like he was sizing me up, figuring me out… like he was _deciphering_ me. I dropped the roll on the tray, returning the stare with a cold glare before tearing my eyes away from him with great effort.

I stormed out of the mess hall, but the whole time I could feel his gaze burning into my back as I retreated, relentless and curious.

_I seriously need to learn when to mind my own business. _


	4. Two & Two

. . .

_Courage is what it takes_

_To stand up an speak_

_But courage is also _

_What it takes_

_To sit down_

_And listen_

_-Winston Churchill_

. . .

Hand to hand combat was one of our training rituals throughout the day. Although I couldn't really see one of us grappling with a titan it was good exercise and sure as hell fun to beat on someone to relieve all of my frustration. There were days that I relished in being a part of the trainee corps, but those were the days that Eren Jaeger decided he'd have nothing to do with me. Today though, I wasn't so lucky.

"So I guess we're partnering up, hu Mikasa?" I glared daggers at the boy in front of me, but he only smirked smugly in return. I should have just smashed him into pieces the other day before the 3DMG assessment. When he'd _purposely _spilled his mash potatoes all over me. Everyone assured me it was just an a_ccident _but I knew better seeming it all started when we ran into each other one afternoon, and he decided it'd be a good idea to piss me off.

_"Hey, I never caught your name you know." _

_ "Mikasa" Was my curt reply, I wasn't interested in his name; but alas he offered it up on a silver platter. _

_ "My name's Eren." I nodded my head, before moving to brush past him. He grabbed my forearm, and hell did I ever want to turn around and clock him in the face. No body touched me so blatantly, especially someone I'd just met not even ten seconds ago. But he didn't seem to catch the warning glare sent his way. _

_ He reached forward, and it took all my self-control not to pull away when he fingered a strand of my long, black hair. "You should really cut your hair-" he began, finally releasing my arm "It'll end up being a liability." That's when I'd reached out myself, grabbing onto his arm as I twisted it behind his back, twisting him around. He yelped, a mixture of surprise and pain. I could feel the curious gazes of people around us as I leaned forward. _

_ "Don't touch me, and don't tell me what to do." I hissed, before letting go of his arm and shoving him forwards. He stumbled slightly, bringing his arm forward and rubbing it with a slight pout; glaring at me furiously. _

_ "Geesh, I was just trying to help." _

I took a defensive stance, cocking my head to the side a little as I gestured for him to make the first move. He mirrored my actions, although he was rigid; and his feet where too far apart. I could easily sweep his feet out from underneath him if I wanted to. One fault of Eren Jaeger, death-seeker as everyone calls him is he has literally no talent. All he has is drive, and although it's admirable that's _his _liability.

_"Oops, I'm sorry Mikasa." I could hear the laugh in his voice as I fumed; sitting in my lap was a lump of mashed potatoes. Beside me, my bunk mate Sasha Braus wailed as if she'd been wounded. _

_ "How could you waste potatoes like that, it's a catastrophe!" She exclaimed, moving to scoop the mess out of my lap. I slapped her hand away impatiently, wiping the food off and standing up to come nose to nose with Eren. I could feel Christa- another girl who slept in my cabin tug on my shirt sleeve, but I ignored her. _

_ "You little shit!" I sneered, clenching my fists by my side. I could see an unknown emotion flash across those teal eyes of his, as he crossed his arms over his chest casually as if he hadn't done anything wrong. _

_ "I said sorry, it was a mistake." He countered; I could see his lip twitch, he was forcing himself not to smile and it made me furious. Christa once more tugged on my sleeve but I waved her off, clenching my jaw as I snapped at him. _

_ "Bullshit it was!" This was obviously petty payback for the time I'd embarrassed him in public by almost breaking his arm when he'd so blatantly touched me. This guy seriously had it coming, and it took as much self-restraint I could muster not to launch myself at him right then and there._

_ "M-Mikasa it was an accident, calm down." Christa muttered, standing by my side now. I looked down at her, her wide blue eyes so naïve and innocent as she gave me a reassuring smile. I sighed, casting one last warning glare to the heaping mass of ego before sitting back down. _

He sent the first punch my way, and I dodged it with ease striking back with my own. He leaned backwards, just barely missing the heel of my palm as it skid over the top of his nose. When he shot back up, he grabbed my arm, moving to pull me forward; but I was faster as I tugged him forward first landing a punch to his gut. He wheezed out and tore away from me, his eyes narrowed in an annoyed glare.

_"D-Don't worry Eren, I'm sure you'll get the hang of it next time!" Armin, the little blond who was always or almost always by Eren's side reassured the dumbfounded teen; we'd had a 3DMG assessment that day, and Eren to his ultimate dismay was unable to keep himself balanced. He'd ended up on his head, and eventually knocked himself out. _

_ I refrained from snorting as I watched him sulk, stirring my soup with my spoon. I could see Sasha glance over at me out of the corner of my eye- Sasha believed we were friends but I sort of just tolerate her. She pointed at the baked potato on my plate; she was cocking a brow at my obvious strange behavior "Are you going to eat that? I was absolutely giddy, and when I gave up the potato Sasha definitely knew something was up._

_ The next day, Eren to My ultimate surprise was able to keep himself up for a few seconds, after those few seconds he went tumbling to the ground cracking his head of the hard surface, another giggle made its way past My lips, and this didn't go unnoticed by Eren as he furrowed his brows at me, I just smiled triumphantly completely ignoring his curious stares. When the commander told Eren to remove his gear, my heart skipped a beat and he traded his gear with another trainee. _

_ Defective gear was the problem, and everyone ogled at the fact Eren was able to keep himself up on faulty gear. He relished in the attention, and my angry glare must have confirmed Eren's obvious suspicions. I'd fallen into his petty game of back and forth; he knew I sabotaged his gear and although he ignored me instead of react, I knew he was plotting something. _

He came back at me, and was hardly able to touch me as he threw random punches here and there. I moved to sweep his feet from underneath him with one movement, but before I could even register what had happened he'd hooked his leg around mine; pulling roughly as he grabbed the back of my hair to tug my body downwards, and I felt the pain run up my neck completely paralyzing me for a few seconds; but these few seconds where enough for him.

I felt the grass against my back and a pressure on my abdomen as I looked upwards to see Eren sitting above me with a shit-eating grin spread across his face. I scowled up at him which only served to amuse him more, as he leaned forwards so his lips where right by my ear. "Two and two Mikasa, we're at a tie; you should really listen to people when they're trying to give you advice." I forced myself not to shudder at the breath against the shell of my ear as I snorted indignantly in response.

I knew exactly what he was talking about, when he'd told me maybe it'd be a good idea if I cut my hair short, and if he hadn't been the one to suggest it I might have done it. He had so easily pulled me down once he'd grabbed a hold of the long strands of hair I'd grown out over the years. I pushed my hands against his chest, successfully shoving him off me "Don't count on it." I hissed, standing up and brushing myself off before deciding on storming away in a fit.

Still, I couldn't help but wonder why he'd gone to all that just to prove _one _stupid point.


End file.
